Things to consider before you lose your virginity There are a lot of myths and expectations about sex and sexual intercourse. Firstly, sexual intercourse is not how it is depicted in pornographic films. Secondly, many people think that having sex for the first time is painful. Although minor discomfort is common, it does not necessarily pain, whether the sexual activity is vaginal, anal, or oral stimulation. However, here are a few things that you need to know to prepare yourselves and your body, minimize discomfort, stay safe and protected, and have a pleasurable time. Remember, sex is about having fun and a great time. It does not matter if you are having sex with a man, woman, transgender, or gender fluid person. Sex should not feel like an obligation that should be checked off your list because everyone your age enjoys the sexual activity. You might be asexual if you do not feel the sexual tension in your body, and it is totally normal. Let nobody tell you otherwise. The experience of the first time sex is different for different people It is important to understand that there’s no particular definition of ‘virginity’. Although many people tend to associate ‘losing your virginity’ with ‘having penile-vaginal intercourse for the first time’, the definition of sex is as fluid as most people’s sexuality is. For some people, first-time sex is the act when a penis penetrates a vagina. For some others, the first-time sex can be as basic as oral stimulation, fingering or handjobs, or even anal sex, for that matter. For the rest, losing virginity may also include stimulation or penetration with a sex toy. Similarly, the experience of people’s first-time sex is different. While some find their body unprepared and face discomfort, others find the same to be pleasurable and fun. There’s no shame in feeling uncomfortable about sex. However, it is necessary to communicate with your sexual partner about it so that the next time you seek better ways to make the experience fun and pleasurable. Is first time sex painful? Any kind of penetrative sex can be painful the first time. In the case of vaginal intercourse, it may also lead to some bleeding (even though this isn’t the case always.) The bleeding usually happens when the hymen breaks during sexual intercourse. The hymen is a little, thin piece of skin that can either partially or totally cover the entrance of your vagina. Most women, however, break their hymen even before their first-time: mostly while playing heavy sports or using a tampon. Even anal sex can be painful for both men and women, the first time. It can also lead to a little harmless bleeding. To ease the discomfort during sexual intercourse, one can experiment with slow penetration and application of a generous amount of water-based lubrication. Inserting fingers into preparing the anus can also be helpful. Pain during sex is common and affects people of both genders. It may arise from a variety of things, such as an illness or infection, or a physical or psychological problem. For example, vaginismus is both a physical and psychological deformity that can be overcome easily. Sex may be uncomfortable if your body is not relaxed and aroused. Therefore, making time for foreplay is important, and just penetrative sex should not be the goal. Arousal of the vagina is equally important and should be lubricated with a water-based lubricant only. (Do not try lubricating with Vaseline or petroleum jelly as it can damage the latex of the condom and makes it more likely to split.) Anxiety and performance pressure are other reasons that can be causing pain during sex. Consulting a sex therapist can help you understand your body better, in this regard. Common infections like thrush and cystitis can also be the reasons behind pain during sex and can be easily treated with over-the-counter remedies. Endometriosis is another reason that affects women’s sexual performances and causes deep pain inside the pelvis during sexual performances. First time sex tips: How to do sex for the first time? It is important to understand a few basics before you delve into your first time: for one, it’s absolutely normal to feel a little nervous or timid and you are not the only one who feels this way. Secondly, sex can be awkward, and unfortunately for some people, it does not get better with experience. Third, it is important that you know the basic sex education and the importance of safe sex. Fourth, there is no such established way to have sex and that’s because sex is all about exploration and discovering your desires, which takes time. Here are a few things we have enlisted for you that can make your first time sex a pleasure ride. Breathe, relax, get on with it, and have fun. 1. Get familiar with your own body: It is important that women masturbate from an early age so that they get to know what gives their body the optimum pleasure, discover the erogenous zones of their body, their kinks, and fetishes, and how they want to derive the pleasure. Masturbation makes it easier to communicate with the sex partners so that both the involved parties enjoy equal stimulation and pleasure in the process. 2. Free yourself: Don’t worry about how your face or stomach look while making love, because, it does not matter. Your focus should be on what you are experiencing and what feels good for you and the sensations of how exactly your partner is touching you. Unnecessary nervousness and performative sex can turn your partner and your body off. 3. It’s not an exam, take your time: Sex should not feel like an appointment with your therapist, that once the stipulated time is over, you are supposed to leave. Sex is intimate and the first-time is special in a way that if it goes well, you would like to experience more in the future. Give time and go slow, involve cuddling, conversations, pillow talks to make the experience warm. 4. But first, safe sex: Always have a pack of condoms in your purse, even if you are a woman, and never take a chance without it. Unprotected sex can lead to the transmission of STIs and unwanted pregnancy. 5. Foreplay: Foreplaying can ease anxiety and tension and make you comfortable. 6. Orgasm isn’t everything: You do not have to orgasm every time you have sex, so do not expect to climax on your first time. And, DO NOT FAKE IT! 7. The lube is your pal: Get yourself a good water-based lotion to make your first time sex easier. 8. Do not compare: Everybody’s body is different, so if you think your experience will be the same as somebody else’s, then you are wrong. 9. Consent is the key: Communicate with your partner and consent to sex only when you feel comfortable. If your partner insists on doing something to you that you are uncomfortable with, do not give your consent. Remember its your body, your life and finally your choie!