There is so much to sex than just physical pleasure. Sex can be a great way to build intimacy and comfort with your partner. When you have sex, you share some of the most vulnerable parts of yourself with your partner(s). In doing so, you trust them to take care of you. Thus, exploring different things in your sex life can lead to newer, more satisfactory experiences between you and your partner.
Sex is not everybody’s preferred way of intimacy, but if it is for you, then you deserve to find new ways to feel good together. Having a shared orgasm is one such way of achieving sexual satisfaction. It brings you even closer. In the process of learning how to orgasm simultaneously, you will end up understanding each other’s body and soul more.
What is shared orgasm?
A shared orgasm is when you and your partner experience climax at the same time. The climax is the peak of sexual pleasure. In movies and books, experiencing an orgasm together is often portrayed as natural. Most of us end up expecting real-life sex to work in the same, smooth manner.
But in real-life, sex is awkward, messy and confusing. It consists of a lot of exploring, fumbling and learning together. What is pleasurable to you may not be pleasurable for your partner. It takes time to know just what works for each other. Thus, figuring out how to come together is not as easy as it seems.
Sex works differently for different people and hence, to learn how to come together, partners need to embrace their differences and find a way that works for them both.
Benefits of a shared orgasm
Orgasms have more benefits than you think. Other than giving bodily pleasure, orgasms also help relieve stress and put you in sounder sleep. Sexual intimacy has positive beauty effects on your body that reveal themselves by the way of both your outer and inner health.
Other than that, sex is a great way to build trust. Through sex, partners explore each other’s body and learn to grow comfortable in their own space. As important as taking care of each other during sex is, doing so after the climax is even more crucial. Orgasms put you in a vulnerable state of mind. During this time, holding each other gently will make the afterglow even more pleasant.
Thus, a shared orgasm means experiencing even this vulnerable moment together. You will come out of the other side carrying a sense of mutual trust and content. You will know some things about each other that no one else will ever know.
Having an orgasm together is much more about the process than the goal. It is about sharing that growing, clumsy happiness between the two of you.
How to orgasm simultaneously
Now that you know all the good things about having an orgasm together, you may be wondering how to go about it. The first thing to remember is that there is no textbook guide available, giving you a guaranteed step by step approach. Each relationship works differently. We all have our boundaries and comforts. Do not try to mould yourselves into a method that isn’t fit for you.
That being said, there are a few suggested methods that you can try to learn how to orgasm simultaneously. If something works, it works. If it doesn’t, then at least you know what not to try again in the future.
Jumping into it headfirst may be unnerving. Thus, practice, practice, practice, alone and together. Society often shuns people who embrace their sexuality. So many people do not know their bodies. Masturbate and figure out what works best for your body, so you can guide your partner. Masturbation also helps in teaching how to last longer.
If you want to experience a shared orgasm during penetrative sex, try achieving it during mutual masturbation. Get used to each other’s pace, get past the vulnerable awkwardness, be prepared to not get perfect results and still be able to laugh about it together.
2. Exercising Kegel Muscles
What many women don’t know is that the key to more pleasurable orgasms lies in their pelvic muscles. Trying out various things like kegel toners, kegel balls, etc. to strengthen your pelvic muscles can lead to more satisfying orgasms and increase your chances of reaching a climax at the same time as your partner.
Foreplay is such an essential element of sex and yet, often goes ignored. Sex is not just about penetration, as porn will have you believe. Engaging in sufficient foreplay will guarantee arousal for you and your partner. You will know what gets them going and you can use it to your advantage during sex.
Even if one or both of the partners has a vagina, using a lubricant can make the process even more comfortable. Using lots of lube and proper preparation ensures better and painless penetration. Lube also comes in lots of different types and flavours, which can add a pinch of excitement to your night.
This is what movies will never tell you: so much of sex is about talking. You need to talk beforehand to discuss protection and preferences. Knowing what your partner likes heighten the pleasure. Knowing each other’s limits will ensure that you do not cross them.
Thus, you will not end up doing something hurtful or triggering during sex. Communication is also important to tell your partner if something doesn’t feel as good during sex, so you can switch ways.
6. Pace yourselves
It is harder for women to reach climax during sex than it is for men. Hence, if your partner is male and reaches their peak faster, you can slow them.
Edging is a sexual act in which you bring someone to the brink of an orgasm and then pause. Using different edging techniques during intercourse can draw out the pleasure.
Try out different positions and figure out what feels the best for you. Using a firm mattress and pillows to hold your bodies steady helps you maintain the position longer.
Locating your G-spot enhances the sensation. Help your partner hit the spot where your G-spot gets just the right amount of stimulation. An angle of about 27 degrees is said to perfect to maximise the feeling,
Did you know that there over 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris?
Clitoral orgasms as the easiest and fastest to achieve. Masturbation helps in finding out just how much stimulation works for you and you can relay the same to your partner. Sex is not just about penetration. Using your hands to increase to fondle and increase stimulation will bring your orgasm closer.
10. Sex toys
If you and your partner with introducing toys to your sexual life, they can add to the pleasure. Toys like vibrators and massagers provide extra stimulation.
11. Eye contact
You may feel shy to do this especially if you are new to this, but the eyes truly are the mirrors of the soul. Looking at your partner will help you gauge when something is making them feel good and when something isn’t.
Emotions are often laid open and bare during sex, thus it can deepen your connection. Maintaining eye-contact will ease your nerves and remind you of the trust you have in your partner to take care of you.
12. Have fun without the pressure
Don’t go into with just having a shared orgasm in mind. It is important to enjoy the process. If you just focus on shared orgasms, you will stop yourself from enjoying anything else. Shared orgasms don’t happen as often and that’s okay. What matters is that you and your partner are learning together along the way.
Maintaining a pleasurable sex life
Always remember that consent is non-negotiable. Before trying out new things, make sure that both of you are in the mood and ready. Awkwardness is natural, but if there is discomfort, then go at your own pace. Full comfort and consent are what make sex enjoyable.
Shared orgasms are not the deciding factor in whether sex is good or not. It is the journey, not the destination that truly matters. If somehow you find yourself reaching a climax at the same time, good for you. If you don’t, be content knowing you got another special experience together out of it.