Identical sex drives of two partners are a myth and may happen in a dreamland that does not exist. Relationships that are new and fresh come with a lot of hotness in your sexual life but once that period goes off after a year or so, sexual desires usually tend to decline.
Both partners may not be able to have the same libidos and cools at the same time and rate. One partner may want sex more than the other one and this phenomenon may cause troubles in the long-term relationship.
Why is it so? Why do we have different sex drives? What’s the science behind it?
Wondering about the different sex drives between a man and a woman? Read on to find out more about sex drives and their influence over a relationship!
Also read: Women Have Low Sex Drive: Find Out Why?
What is a sex drive? What causes a higher and lower sex drive?
Sex drive or libido is an individual’s desire to engage in sexual intercourse or activity. When a person has a low libido or sex drive, they tend to have a decreased desire relating to sex and a high libido or sex drive means a higher desire for sex.
So, what influences high and low sex drives? Well, there are many reasons for it. Let’s discuss them:
Causes of high sex drive
Reasons why you might be having a higher sex drive include:
- Exercising: Engaging in regular physical activity can influence your sex drive to be higher.
- Drugs: Drugs like cocaine can cause a higher libido.
- Testosterone Levels: People with higher testosterone levels tend to have higher sex drives according to old research.
- Change in Neurotransmitters: People who receive dopamine replacement therapy may cause hypersexuality as dopamine is a neurotransmitter.
Causes of lower sex drive
There can be a lot of reasons you might have a low sex drive. This may include:
- Mental health: Anxiety and depression may have a higher risk of sexual dysfunction and lower libido.
- Age: Sex drive may differ as a person ages.
- Obesity: obesity and sexual dysfunction may have a link that leads to lower sex drive.
- Menopause: During menopause, sexual hormones decrease which causes lower libido in women.
- Pregnancy: During pregnancy, women tend to decrease sexual activity which is due to a reduction in their libido.
How sex drives differ in men and women?
We’ve always heard it “men have a higher desire for sex” this may sound like a stereotype but it is true! Sexual desire in women may differ from men in many ways. Here’s why:
- Men think more about sex. Most men under the age of 60 think about sex once a day than a woman who does not think about sex more frequently. Men visualize sex about twice as often.
- Men want sex more often than women in every stage of their relationship. Most men want more sex partners in their lifetime and are interested in casual sex.
- Women’s turn-ons are hard to discover, even women don’t always know what turns them on. Men are more specific about who they get turned on by.
- Women’s sex drives are influenced by social and cultural factors like religion, the influence of their peer groups, education level, etc.
- Sexual desire in men and women has different paths. Women’s sex drive is more emotional and contextual. Men, however, think of sex more straightforwardly and plainly.
- Orgasms in men and women differ as well. Men on average may take 4 minutes to ejaculate and women take around 10 minutes to reach orgasms if they do.
How can this mismatch be solved?
The disparity in Sex drives may cause relationship problems, it’s not always a death of a relationship but a significant difference may cause problems. You can try and balance this mismatch. Here’s how you can do this:
Communication is the key to a better sexual life. Pour your heart out about your desires and boundaries. Let your partner know your insecurities. This will help you cancel out any differences and misunderstandings.
Intimacy without sex
Sometimes all a person needs and wants is affection and not only sexual desire. Start with kissing, eye-gazing, and cuddles. It builds connections and makes you feel safe and loved by your partner.
Negotiation goes a long way in a relationship. Figure out your energy levels and desires to have sex in a month or a week and take out an average. It’s not about any calculations but finding a frequency you both can live with, in peace.
Respect your partner’s sexual preferences
When a partner with a low sex drive talks about their boundaries or prerequisites, the partner with a high sex drive shouldn’t take it personally but respect their preference rather than discredit them.
Don’t underestimate masturbation as a solo activity. It can be a great backup plan when one partner doesn’t want sex, watching or helping them masturbate can release sexual tension and improve your sexual relationship.
Set the mood right
Remember what turned them on or set the mood when you first got into the relationship and sex was pretty hot. Do the same things to spice things up again. Maybe light a candle or play a romantic song to feel relaxed and sexy. Let you and them connect more and find the perfect moment.
See a sex therapist
If the above things do not work for you two, maybe an appointment with a sex therapist is right for you. They may pinpoint underlying issues and give suggestions and a treatment plan that can work for both partners without any conflict.
This was all about different sex drives and how to solve the mismatch you might be having with your partner. Sometimes all you might need is a bit of communication and understanding between each other to resolve this issue.
A little compromise and affection can help you have a deeper and stronger connection.