Life is always better with your bestie by your side. Having another loon always makes the days a little more bright and the nights a little less lonely. Like Blair Waldorf says, “ Friends are the fashion fundamentals of life.” But the best of friends are the only one’s who can huge fights and still find a way to stay together. Although it is not always easy to resolve these fights.
So here are a few tips to make up with your best friend when you have no clue what to do.
1. Heal and let heal
Give each other space. Take as much space you need for yourself. If it was a particularly bad fight you won’t be able to get through it immediately. Take some time to yourself to sort out your feelings. Allow her to do the same. Don’t wait too long either because she shouldn’t feel like you have abandoned her.
Tip: wait for 3-5 days and a week maximum. Don’t wait for more than a week.
2. Make the first move
It doesn’t matter who started the fight or who escalated it. If you want to make up with your best friend, you have got to make the first move. You can’t sit around waiting for your friend to make the first move. Even if it is difficult for you, take the reigns, swallow your pride and take the first step. Because at the end of the day it boils down to whether you want your best friend to stay your best friend or not.
3. Think about what you want to say
This goes a long way, trust us. Making up with a friend after a fight is usually awkward – even if you have known each other since you were in your nappies. When you meet there are going to be a hundred things running through your mind. And if you blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind it might create a bigger mess than there already is. So before you meet, sit down take a deep breath and plan out something like an outline. Don’t make it rehearsed speech. Just make sure you know the purpose you are going for and what are your basics for accomplishing it.
4. Choose a comfortable spot
You are making up with a friend after a fight, so, naturally, you both will be a little edgy. Choose a stop that makes you both comfortable and nostalgic. Preferably a place you both like and have made memories there. The place you choose should make your intentions clear. It should put you both at ease so you can talk freely without feeling awkward. Try to stay out of public places because in case things rile up you don’t want a scene. While you are at it make sure you have something to do after you have made up.
5. But first – Sorry
It’s the start of any and every reconciliation. Be it a relationship or a friendship. You cannot reconcile without acknowledging your own mistake(s). So make sure you know where you went wrong. Ask her what hurt her and apologise for that. Apologies go a long way in every relationship. You’re the one who wants to make up with your best friend.
Don’t lose sight of that goal. Saying sorry not only tells your friend that you acknowledge your mistake but it also shows her that you are serious when you say you want to make up. It shows you value her and your friendship with her and that something petty can’t stand up to that.
6. Explain your side
There will obviously be something that has upset you too. After all, it takes two to tango. So, after who have made up for your part in the fight its time to tell her what hurt you. Make sure you are gentle with your words. You do not want to make the situation worse than it is.
Be gentle tell her how you felt about the incident rather than what the incident was. E.g. Instead of “I think what you said after that was pretty rude” say “I admit I didn’t handle it well but your response hurt me”. It softens the blow and makes them understand that they may have been equally wrong.
7. Keep an open mind
Don’t monopolize the conversation. That’s the worst thing you can do in any conversation. Let her explain her side. Give her a chance and be sympathetic. Let her get the resentment out before it festers. Tell her sorry again and if you said something particularly hurtful don’t justify it. Accept the part you played so you can both move on.
8. Find your groove
Now let’s say you have resolved the fight. Now what. You can’t just pack up and go home. It would make you nervous and unsure. You’ll spend the rest of the day wondering if you are okay. So after you have made up. Do something fun! You can go shopping or to a cafe. Something that involves a lot of interaction like bowling etc.
P.S. – Try to avoid going to the movies etc. because you don’t get to interact with each other there. Make sure you feel as ease with each other before you leave. If there is any lingering resentment it will disappear once you start having fun.
9. What if it goes south?
There is no hard and fast, how to make up with your best friend guide. Sometimes you may try hard but it is not working out. In that case, walk away and introspect. If you still feel your friendship is worth it. Wait for a few more days and give it a try again. Don’t be afraid to walk away sometimes it is the best course of action. If you can’t see each other eye to eye wait till you can.
Friends are the family we choose. We cherish them and expect to be cherished in return. Conflicts are natural in every relationship. How we get past them is what matters.