Picture this: you are sitting in a beautiful restaurant, watching the lights glimmer overhead. Outside, the evening is unraveling itself, blue, romantic, and lovely. The order for your favorite wine has already been placed. You’re nervously fiddling with your watch, glancing between the door and the empty chair in front of you. He’ll be here any minute, you tell yourself, as the sky begins to grow darker.
But time passes you by carelessly, as the room becomes crowded. All the seats around you start filling up with love and laughter. Yet there you are alone, waiting for your date to show up as he promised. Except, he never does.
Doesn’t sound much fun, does it? It is never fun when a guy stands you up, especially if you had been looking forwards to the date. It can feel embarrassing and awkward, sitting by yourself as you realize what has happened, and you may not know what to do next. Well, though we hope you never find yourself in such a situation, we have some advice to help you out, just in case.
Here are 8 tips on what to do when a guy stands you up:
1. Give him time
The first thing to remember is that just because he might be late doesn’t automatically mean that he is standing you up. Try to be optimistic and give him some time to show up. Sure, being 15 minutes late doesn’t look good for him, but maybe he has a genuine reason. Maybe he is just stuck in traffic or got off from work late. After all, life happens, even when you do your best to make the perfect plan. As impatient as you may be, try to wait it out and don’t think the worst of the situation immediately.
Order a drink for yourself and settle in, because why should you let that stop you from starting the fun?
2. Drop him a text or a call
Okay, so a considerable amount of time has passed and you think it is unlikely that he may show up at this point. First, drop him a text, asking him if he is on the way. Or, you can give him a call, if you are comfortable doing so. It may be disappointing if he doesn’t answer, but remember that he might just be in an emergency which is making it difficult for him to reach out to you. It may be hard to think good about him when he stands you up, but still, try and wait for his response.
3. Try not to jump to conclusions
So you now you are sure that your date isn’t coming, for whatever reason and you are starting to feel embarrassed. First, know that your emotions are valid and it’s natural to feel this way when a guy stands you up. Still, try to remind yourself that everyone has bad days, and maybe something happened to stall him. Maybe he will get back to you later with a genuine explanation Or, maybe he’s just a jerk, but that just means that you dodged a bullet by not meeting him.
It may feel like everything is too much, especially if you are waiting there all alone when he stands you up, but remember that these things happen. Even if it seems as if everyone is looking at you, they’re probably too busy doing their own things. If anything, you probably look very cool to a passerby, in our awesome outfit, with your awesome looks.
4. Call someone you love
As much as you want your answer for ‘what to do when a guy stands you up’ to be wallowing by yourself, it may not always be the best choice. In situations like these, our minds can get ahead of us and stop us from seeing reason. It can be easy to make yourself feel even worse by assuming things that might not even be true.
So, it’s good to give a call to a friend or a sibling, anyone that you trust. They can be a voice of reason in the situation and give you a realistic answer. Or, they could just hold your hand virtually and console you, reminding you of how amazing you are.
Having them there, even if just on the phone, can make you feel less alone. It will remind you that there is always someone who cares about you out there. You’re loved, even more in moments like these.
5. Try to plan something for yourself
Just because he stands you up doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to have a good time. You can still continue and have a delicious meal by yourself, but we understand if staying in the same place seems uncomfortable. If that is the case, take yourself out somewhere else and call someone you love to join you, if possible.
Or, ask your best friends if they can come over to your place and prepare for a night of ice-cream, pampering and silly games. You can also just choose to cuddle with your cat and watch your emotional comfort movie.
Whatever route you choose, know that you are valid and allowed to comfort yourself in whichever that suits you. It can be hard to make up your mind on what to do when a guy stands you up, but you are doing well, however you decide to take care of yourself.
It’s okay, there is still love and warmth for you on this night, even if it doesn’t come from the person you were hoping for. It might just come from those who love and care for you even more.
6. Remind yourself that it isn’t your fault
It can be easy to blame yourself when he stands you up but remember that one bad date does not decide your worth. You are amazing the way you are, whether you have a good time or a disappointing one. Him not showing up says more about his personality than it does about yours. It is not your fault, because these things are not in your control.
Maybe he truly got held up and already feels really bad about it. Maybe he just got scared to show up and is blaming himself, too. Or, he just has a bad attitude and is simply not worth your time. Whatever the situations maybe when a guy stands you up, you’re in no way responsible for it.
Instead, give yourself a tight hug and be proud of yourself for being brave enough to come here. After all, it isn’t easy to open yourself up to dating, isn’t easy to put your heart on the line the way you did. Even if it didn’t turn out well, your efforts are still something to appreciate. Whatever happens, you did well.
7. Give him the benefit of doubt
Okay, so the day is over and you are wondering how to address the situation with him. First, if he is someone you know and trust, try to reach out and find out what happened. And if it was a blind date or someone you don’t know that well, be open when he gets back to you.
Listen to his side, because he may regret it. Maybe you just caught him on a bad day and he’s not that kind of person overall. If you think he is genuine enough and you do want to give him another chance, that’s’ valid. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone else because you know why you have made your decision.
If you think he is making excuses and simply doesn’t care or respect you, don’t be afraid to refuse a second-chance. This is especially true if it isn’t the first time that he is doing this.
Consult your friends if necessary and trust your gut. You may have a feeling about whether he is lying or not. Count on yourself to make the correct decision, because you know yourself best.
8. Know that there will be better dates
Such an incident may leave you feeling scared for other dates, but know that not all people will like this. There will be better dates where you enjoy yourself and are treated well. After all, you are a person worthy of love, affection, care and respect, so there will be people who will give them to you the way you deserve.
However, if you need some time before you try again, that’s okay too. Spend time with yourself and heal in your way. Love will be waiting for you, whenever you are ready to embrace it again.
Sure, it may take time to stumble across good people or those that truly fit with you, but that doesn’t mean it will never happen. Soon enough, you’ll have such amazing dates that this one will be far back in your mind.
At the end of the day, you’re still awesome
In the end, no matter what happens, you’re still you. You’re amazing and deserving of being treated well. Even in the worst of the situations, you rise like the phoenix that you are and shine because that is how you exist.
Courage doesn’t always roar aloud. Remember that somedays courage is just your own hands holding each other as you walk yourself home and say that you will try again tomorrow.
The road to love might be long, filled with bumps and stumbles, but you will get there eventually. Till then, you have your own heart and that is always the best gift of them all.