Nobody denies the fact that getting married once in itself take a lot of courage. But second marriage ? That’s risky business, or so they claim. Everyone says that there is a much better chance that your second marriage will crumble just like your first one. It takes strength to overcome that risk. Obviously, it doesn’t mean you’re not scared or you’re going to rush into it. It is alright to be sceptical. It is also alright to want another chance at being married to the one you love. It is only natural – second chances are all we have.
So, it’s good that you’ve stepped up. It is good that you’re ready to take the plunge. Along with the fear, we are sure that you have certain expectations for things to be better than before. There is a lot of data to evidence the failure rate of second marriages. But do not fret. We’re here with a list of possible problems you might encounter.
Any successful marriage warrants a look inward – into yourself, your relationship, and your patterns. We want you to be prepared and ready for this new phase in your life. Read on!
Theories Of Second Marriage :
1. Your past will come in the way – so get over it!
The biggest question before delving into second marriage problems is whether you are actually over marriage number 1. Is this a rebound? Everyone knows that it is dangerous territory. Have you been feeling like your last spouse left you for no reason? Regardless of the time passed, you might be feeling resentment due to that situation. Make sure that you do not project those feeling on to your soon to be or new spouse.
It is not sufficient that you spent time with yourself – there is no point in stuffing all the emotional baggage under the rug. Because we assure you, it will come back. These issues will resurface at the most difficult and inappropriate times. It doesn’t matter why your first marriage wasn’t successful, it is imperative that you take time off to understand what happened and to grieve the loss that is the death of your relationship.
So, what can you do to ensure that this does not become a problem? Essentially, forgive and forget. Understand that they weren’t meant to be, forgive yourself and your ex-partner and/or any third person. Forgetting doesn’t mean you are making excuses for your past. It just means that you are burying the hatchet and that you do not want to live in the past. Move on, a new part of your life awaits. Once you understand the value of this, your entire attention will be on making your second marriage work without any resentment crawling back in from the past.
2. Children – yes or no?
Adding to the list of second marriage challenges is the question of children – new and old. How do children fit in the equation? You might or might not have children and the same goes for your spouse. You both could be bringing in children as well. What both of you need to do is to understand the gravity of these combinations. Children generally take a lot of time to adjust and adapt to new environments. Along with this, there might be a lot of problems they might bring in.
A stepchild and stepparent relation is never simple. It is inevitable that your/their children will increase the tension between you and your partner. However, your troubles don’t end here. Having kids means that your ex-partner will still be in the equation. You will have to keep him/her in your child’s life. This is always a recipe for disaster – visitation rights, custody battles, vacation planning, and the like. This is a second marriage problem only if you put off dealing with it.
If this is an issue or you see yourself facing similar problems, talk it out. Confide in your spouse regarding everything. Parenting styles, school decisions, and all that falls within that territory. Go to therapy with your family and make your children as involved as possible. They need to feel at home and comfortable with this new arrangement.
3. More money, more problems?
There is not one show or movie that doesn’t portray money as the most prominent problem in second marriages. There is no running away from it, it is all around us. It’s a problem with or without it. And for new couples, it is even more daunting. Do you trust each other financially?
Do you have to combine accounts? Do you keep them separate? What about your income? Coming from already capitalistic divorces, it becomes that much harder for newlyweds to trust the other person with their money.
The answers to these questions, however, lie within you and your relationship. Discuss your financial ideologies with each other. Communicate with transparency as to what you wish to do with your money or where you want to invest. It boils down to the question of trust. Have faith that the other person will take care of your finances in the best way possible.
4. Commitment Issues
It is extremely easy to slip into a commitment-phobic mindset. You might subconsciously be pushing your spouse away because of an already failed marriage. Divorce can do that to you. Your worldview on marriages will shift once you’ve been through it.
If it happened once, what is the guarantee it won’t happen again? Undeniably the possibility still exists. This might or might not end badly. But that is no way to enter a marriage. If you constantly think about what could go wrong, you will only manifest into your reality.
But give yourself a chance. A chance to heal your heart through another person. Don’t consider divorce to be the end game. No, commit to making this one work. Put all your experiences and heartaches into ensuring the success of your second one. Overcome challenges differently this time around.
There are no miracles, it takes hard work and constant effort. But we can assure you that it will be worth it. Just because it didn’t work out once does not mean it won’t ever again. More importantly, do not add to the taboo surrounding a second marriage. Everyone deserves second chances. But these second chances sure do come with their fair share of problems, as we’ve highlighted in this article. So hang tight, we believe that you have the strength to get through these challenges and any others you might face.