Sometimes, strangers are the easiest people to share your secrets with. It may sound counterintuitive, but it’s true. The more difficulty you have divulging something, the more tempting it is to keep it to yourself. But suppressing critical pieces of your personality isn’t very effective; these things tend to resurface in the future. And if you have sexual secrets? Revealing them is all the more intimidating. The prospect of keeping things to yourself forever is a lonely one. People feel better when someone validates their interests, even if that someone is a stranger. So, it’s no surprise that many men share their deepest secrets on chat services. Let’s talk more about why that is. Why do men visit online sex chat services? Sex is an extremely intimate act, one that helps in bringing two people together. A shared orgasm is said to open doors to another level in their relationship. Yet we see an increasing number of men and in certain cases women too, visiting online sex chat services! Relationships or for that matter any physical connection (read friends with benefits) comes with certain responsibilities, obligations, and expectations. These factors can often take out the real pleasure, especially for men. When involved in copulation especially with a female partner, a lot of effort and energy is spent in trying to please her, also in a marriage with kids, the women often burdened by work and household chores might refuse to get frisky between the sheets. In certain cases, the sex is often stuck in a rut, wherein it becomes more of a chore rather than the adrenaline-fueled, intoxicating sexual sojourn. In these cases, men who are often thought to be more in need of sexual attention seek validation which often leads to virtual induced self-gratifying pleasure (masturbation). In a virtual space, you do not need to think of the other person involved, a man can unleash his deepest sexual fantasies, which he might fear to disclose IRL, come on, we all fear being judged. Also, the anonymity provides a certain kink factor, which can allow an Alpha male to be a submissive, or a ‘timid man’ to unleash his inner macho avatar. The woman/man on the other end has no clue about you, so role-playing becomes easy. Online sex chat sites are a way for men to feel wanted and desired, and it is not that he might be seeking a relationship or cheating on their partner. Porns are impersonal, unlike adult chat services, wherein you can get responses that can be textual or in certain cases visual stimulation which is personalized. Why men share secrets on chat services? As a culture, we have decided that there are “normal” ways to have sex, and anything that falls outside the very strict boundary of normality is stigmatized. But if you look around the Internet, you can find guide after guide on how to tell your partner that you are into BDSM, want to experiment with other genders, or have other sexual interests that venture beyond what is deemed common. As it turns out, being abnormal is incredibly normal. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear without the stakes involved with a person sitting in front of you. There’s no need to please or reciprocate when you’re chatting with someone online, which is a massive draw for many people. And even those that don’t have weighty secrets to share might find that a conversation with a nonjudgmental stranger can help build the confidence to tell in-person partners about their sexual inclinations. What they share? A recent survey of sex chat professionals revealed that sex chat topics vary widely. Number one on the list was pegging, an immensely enjoyable activity that is increasing in popularity. Men have P-spots (short for their prostate) that are sensitive and pleasurable, but unfortunately, bringing up that you like anal stimulation with your partner is still seen as slightly taboo. The taboo nature of pegging is rooted in homophobia and unfortunately means many men will never get to explore that area of their body, which is similar to a G-spot. Other popular sex chat topics fell into the kink category, like small penis humiliation, goddess worship, and domination or slave training. Power exchange has gained some traction and visibility since publications like “50 Shades of Grey.” Yet, much of the visibility is dedicated to a one-sided script: the male dominates, and the female (if applicable) submits. However, a large subsection of the population is clearly interested in flipping those dynamics on their head. Fetishes were represented on the survey, too. Oral fixation, mommy fetish, and yes, even flatulence all made an appearance. Though these preferences may seem extreme to some, they aren’t. Almost everyone in long-term relationships will have regular contact with their partner’s mouth, their partner may become a mother, and, at some point, they will both be gassy. Each fetish is a normal part of life that some people find enjoyment in, and it is close-minded to dismiss and reject what someone else finds delightful. Certainly, fetish, BDSM, and pegging aren’t for everyone, but they are harmless and healthy parts of sexuality that many people find irreplaceable. Having Some Secrets Is Healthy Everyone deserves privacy—even people who are in a relationship. In an ideal world, you could share everything with your partner. But in reality, that’s not always an option. People who have secrets that they’d rather not divulge often do so with good intentions, like self-protection or not wanting to hurt their partner. Some people prefer to maintain a sense of privacy and separation between who they are at work, with friends, or in a relationship, and desires they see as darker or less acceptable. What people decide to disclose or keep to themselves is a personal decision. Yet, finding a good listener, even in the form of a sex chat service, can provide more than just sexual release. It offers a safe way for people to expose the most vulnerable parts of themselves without judgment. Human connection is something that everyone needs and deserves, and it is an important component of sexuality. So, if you find your man using adult sex chat services, then instead of having meltdowns and accusing him of adultery, try to understand his needs and you might seek counseling and sex therapy.