Nobody exactly teaches us to be in love. There is no exact course for it and aided by the romance in literature and movies, we build an unrealistic expectation. All of us, like being in love, and we often end up ignoring the signs that things have taken an ugly turn. Toxic relationships are commonplace and real.
The Danger Signs:
We will tell you how to identify that things have become toxic:
1. Keeping tab of all past ‘mistakes’- it’s never a good thing to remember past follies, let bygones be bygones. Whenever there is a fight, if the past arguments are brought into play, not only are you diverting from the present issue, but you end up making your partner feel guiltier.
2. Fault finding- has your S.O (Significant Other) been criticising you, even if it’s constructive’. Constant criticism chips away at your self-confidence and esteem. Don’t feel bad about yourself because of the opinion of one conceited person.
3. Power struggle- a relationship is about equality, if anyone feels that their opinion doesn’t matter then it becomes toxic. If you constantly try to do things that your partner does, then there is something immensely wrong
4. Uncontrolled jealousy- a little playful jealousy is fine, but when someone becomes obsessively possessive, red flags should fly. Does your partner has access to all your social media passwords? Do they go through your call records and texts? Or appear unannounced at your work or when out with friends?
5. Loved ones are concerned- if your near ones are increasingly saying is he right for you? Even when you are under the curse of Cupid, others might be able to notice the signs. If you end up constantly making excuses for their behaviour, then it’s time to think. Stop filtering their advice.
6. You fail to recognize yourself- are you ignoring yourself in an attempt to appease them? Don’t try to mould yourself into something the other person wants you to be. You should feel loved for who you are. Your loved one should bring out the best in you.
7. Abusive- abuse doesn’t always mean physical abuse, but emotional and psychological torture counts too. Are they blackmailing you into doing things against your will? There is a thin line, be certain when things start to get out of your hand.
8. You try to avoid them- if you are in a relationship, you want to spend as much time as you can with them. But if you are trying to avoid them consciously or unconsciously, it is a sign that your psyche is trying to tell you something. Such toxic partners make you hate their company and you feel fatigued after spending time with them.
9. Lack of trust- are you constantly hiding information from your SO, as you fear their reaction. This is a sign that you are unable to trust that person. You are constantly insecure about your relationship.
10. Your partner is unable to handle their emotions- if things go wrong at work, you end up bearing the wrath of his anger and disappointment. They keep calling you insensitive when you fail to recognize their ‘moods’.
11. Communication problems- communication is the key to a happy relationship, without which things crumble. At the end of the day, you should be able to talk about anything with them without fearing any repercussions.
If you have noticed any or all of these signs in your relationship, then get out of it pronto! That is nothing but Toxic Relationship!!
A toxic relationship takes an immense toll on its victim- depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, unable to trust others and a variety of life-altering symptoms.
How To Heal Yourself
· Accept the truth- a sense of denial is what kept you going for so long. It is imperative to accept the truth.
· Stop feeling guilty- your partner would have made you feel guilty the entire time you were together. They might even make you believe that it is your fault that the relationship ended.
· Stop thinking this is as good as it gets- maybe the initial days of your relationship was extremely joyous and post-breakup you might be yearning for that sense of comfort. But remember the bad times, and you certainly do not deserve the anguish and there is someone better out there.
· Concentrate on self- your self-esteem has taken an immense toll, and you may have lost a few friends on the way (not the real ones). So it is important to spend some time with yourself. Get a new hobby, exercise, meditate, the options are galore.
· Break all contact with your ex- delete those photos, texts, and emails. Block them wherever it is impossible. Distance and time are two great agents of recovery.
· Cry it out- it is okay to bawl your eyes out and have scoops of ice cream. Release the pain, because only you can fathom the extent of your hurt. But once you are cried out, remember to take a walk in the park, and feel good about yourself.
· Do not drown your sorrow in booze- don’t just down those shots to forget your miseries or smoke up like a chimney. These things will only get you momentary relief and would rather harm you.
· Get back to dating- not every person is as vicious as your ex. There are a lot of genuine and honest people out there. Your life doesn’t end, but next time around be cautious and read the signs early on. Happy loving!
Life hasn’t ended for you. Do not harm yourself. To survive the toxicity you need to accept the grief, and properly vent it out. Do not stop yourself from falling in love again. The right partner might just be waiting out there for you!