Every couple has their way of creating intimacy between themselves. As love languages differ from people to people, your way of building closeness can be emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, etc. Each way is special in itself because it is something two or more people share between themselves, that only they can truly understand. If your preferred language of affection is sexual intimacy, it is just as important as any other. There is nothing shameful about being sex-positive and finding different ways to express yourself with your body. Sex can be a great way to explore and build a more comfortable relationship with your body. You can experiment with different positions, kinks, locations, etc. to create the perfect atmosphere depending on your mood.

angry sex
angry sex

Today, we are going to talk about one such type of sex which is angry sex. Though popular media has often portrayed this in a rather unhealthy manner, there are things you can keep in mind to make sure that even angry sex is safe and consensual. So, if you are interested, grab your partner(s) and continue reading together!

What is Angry Sex?

So, what is angry sex? Well, as the name implies, angry sex is sex that is fuelled by intense, passionate emotions such as anger, frustration, etc. It has a sense of urgency and desperation to it, making the feelings of pleasure even more intense. When done safely and consensually, this can be a great way to resolve the tension between two people, especially if it hard for both to express difficult emotions verbally. It can serve as a means to relive the last fringes of emotions lingering after an argument, leading to the partner making up once again. It can add a layer of excitement to sex, provided you and your partner are both comfortable with the idea of it.

Though there are many emotional aspects of the difference between angry sex vs. regular sex, there is a scientific explanation for it as well. Anger can make your heart race, get your blood flowing and increase blood pressure, essentially acting as an aphrodisiac.

Angry sex

It also increases testosterone levels, which has a connection with sexual arousal. Other than that, anger is also said to awaken desires to be closer to the object of your anger, adding a new angle on your usual physical intimacy. When it comes to angry sex vs. regular sex, the former is often liberating and enthralling, more about giving in to your desires, provided that the act is fully-consensual. Sex leads to a release of different happiness hormones in your bloodstream, such as serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine, which can lead to feelings of relaxation, relief and establish closeness after whatever conflict has caused distance previously, as long as some kind of resolution has been achieved before engaging in sexual activity. Angry sex can be a thin line to tread because many things could go wrong if you are not careful enough. When considering how to have angry sex, it is important to put the comfort and consent of the people involved first, before diving into the physical side of things.

How to Have Angry Sex?

Now that you know all about why people have angry sex, you may want to know just how to have angry sex. Here are a few things you can keep in mind:

  • The first thing you should remember is that you need to be even more careful in such a case because emotions are high. The partners need to communicate with each other to make sure that they are on the same page. Talk about what this means to you, whether it is a one-time event, or means something more, especially if it happens between two individuals who are not in a relationship. Anger is not an excuse to forego any regard for your partner’s comfort. For example, if your partner is not comfortable with being handled roughly, you should be gentle with them, no matter how angry you are. Taking care of each other emotionally and physically is just as important as experiencing pleasure. You need to make sure that you are not doing anything that you will regret later on, once the emotions calm down.
  • It is better to have discussions about these things prior to the occasion. Having a talk about sexual activity preferences and comforts while both partners are calm can ensure that the act is pre-negotiated and there are precautions taken beforehand. It is important to be in agreement with certain things such as the use of protection and kinks as well as what are the lines that should never be crossed. It is good to have a safe word that either of you can say at any point during sex in case you feel the need to stop or change certain things to get more comfortable.
  • You should be careful not to use angry sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism to avoid discussing relationship conflicts. Doing this may give you momentary relief, but it will only do more harm than good in the longer run. Proper resolution of conflicts is important because sooner or later, it will catch up to you. You can’t run from it, no matter how good the angry sex feels. Honest communication is the one thing that truly sustains a relationship and it should always be established between you and your partner. If you are going through a rough patch in a relationship or experiencing some difficult emotions which you may be unable to have with your partner, consider talking to a friend or therapist instead of using the sexual way to relieve those pent-up emotions.
  • When learning how to have angry sex, it is first important to know how to ask for consent. No sexual activity should be done without explicit consent. When it comes to angry sex, anger can make individuals get more rough and desperate, but you should never do something that has not already been consented to or expressed. Make sure you and your partner are both comfortable with the acts being performed. For example, consent to intense kissing is not the same as consent to engaging in oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Always ask consent every step of the way to make sure that you both still want to go through with it.
  • Make sure to engage in aftercare post-sex and hold each other through the surge of leftover emotions going through your bodies. Lie there, cuddle, talk, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. When talking about angry sex vs. regular sex, both emphasize taking care of each other before, during, and after sex, to bring an end to the act gently and carefully.

Maintaining a Healthy Sex Life

In the end, there is nothing wrong with wanting to spice up your sex life. Be it sex games, kinks, different positions, role-playing, etc. there are various options for you to try, to see which one both excites and makes you and your partner(s) feel more comfortable. Remember that sex is always sexiest when the individuals involved give explicit, enthusiastic consent and take care of each other every step of the way, mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

So, if you have been toeing around the idea of angry sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out clearly. If they are not comfortable, step back and respect that, because there are many more types of sex for you to try in a way that will make you both comfortable. And if they say yes, then well, get ready to express a new rush of passion and excitement burst through you spontaneously, leaving you trembling in each other’s arms at the end of it all!