When we talk about love, we often assume it to be a flower that blooms only in youth. For those of us who experience romantic attraction, this yearning for love might start very early, such as in school, or college. If someone looks for finding love after 50: they are either ridiculed or even for the concerned individual it might seem like finding a unicorn. But love knows no age, sex, or race!
We as a society are so centered around young love. We write stories about people on the edges of adolescence meeting each other in the most unlikely places, falling headfirst into shared feelings, celebrating the impulsiveness that comes with their age, going on adventures that finally lead to a happily-ever-after.
We make movies about characters in their 20s that are just figuring out their lives, navigating work and new love, getting their first apartments together, terrified as they buy a ring that represents forever. We dream of finding the perfect person at the right time and having our life fit into our ideal storyline.
Of course, all these experiences and expectations are valid in themselves. There is nothing wrong with hoping to meet a love that fits just right with everyone else going on. If it works out, then it truly is a miracle to be cherished for a long, long time.
But what happens when life derails from the timeline you had planned for yourself? What if the perfect person comes and leaves, over and over again? And before you realize it, you are suddenly entering your 50s still yearning for that love from your 20s?
If you are giving up hope on finding love after 50, stop right there. There is always hope and if you want love, you will surely receive it in your time, even if it is much later than you imagined. Falling in love after 50 is as possible as falling in love at a younger age. All you need is some courage, willingness to trust, and the heart you have nurtured in your chest all these years.
Let’s be clear: falling in love after 50 is very different. At 50, you have lived half a century of your life, made your share of mistakes, and experienced happiness in many surprising ways. You have met so many people, cared for some, and lost some. You have grown through the pain and the healing to become the independent person that you are.
This also means that you have formed habits that have probably lasted decades. You might have a certain routine you are comfortable with. Going out and trying for love again can alter that routine. Thus, it might seem even more terrifying than before. Especially if you have close family or children.
So, being honest with yourself is essential. Understand your situation in life, everything you are scared of losing. Then, go out and try anyway. Yes, it might feel like throwing yourself in an abyss. But if you believe in love, surely it will be right underneath for you to land. It might hurt, but you will come out on the other side alive and amazed.
If you think that finding love after fifty is only with hurdles and difficulties, then you are wrong. There is a bright and beautiful side to it, filled with advantages that you have built through age.
Are you convinced that love after 50 is a worthwhile endeavor? If so, let’s dive into the actual depths of it!
You might have many questions about finding love after 50. How to begin? Where to go? What to do? While we are sure that you will find your answers in your time, we have a few tips to get you started!
The first and most important rule is to be comfortable in your skin. At 50, a lot of that adolescent insecurities, impulsiveness, and confusion might have cooled down. Or maybe things are still confusing and messy from time to time but you are just easier on yourself when dealing with them.
You are not your 20-year-old. You have spent years knowing the best and the worst of yourself and you know that they all have made you a person meant for love. When you go on dates now, experience them in a way that is true to yourself. You don’t have to try to be anyone else to be liked. Whenever you meet someone, meet them as the authentic you. Proudly reveal yourself and dare to be loved just as you are.
Just because you are in your 50s doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to be scared, shy or wary. Finding love at 50 can seem like a tall challenge, a mountain that you are too tired to climb. That is why it is important to admit these feelings to yourself and hold them close.
Ask yourself what you need to be more comfortable with. Talk to your friends and family, share your feelings with them. Go to therapy and uncover the roots behind these emotions. Write them down in a diary or simply sit with them in the silence of your living room.
Whatever truth surfaces, hold it gently inside your body. If you find that you need more time to be ready, then that is okay, too. You don’t have to rush yourself. You are not running out of chances. Love will be there whenever you feel comfortable enough to meet it. Once you face yourself, it will be easier for you to communicate it to the other person, whenever you give them a chance.
Proper communication is the key in any relationship but it is especially important when it comes to love after 50. At 50, you and the other person(s) have both lived through many things. You have had time to form opinions and see some of them shatter. You have your own circle of special people, be it friends, children, or even ex-partners. You may have different ideas about where you want this relationship to go.
So, it is essential to put it all on the table. Talk about your experiences, your past, and your families. Share your doubts and fears, because you might just find them mirrored in the other person. Shared opinions and values, so you can either meet each other midway or walk away with mutual respect. Learn the story behind each wrinkle that these five decades have given you. All of this is scary but if you talk then you can be scared and brave, together.
You don’t have to fulfil the expectations of your younger self. Maybe the time has changed you and left you with different priorities. Maybe marriage is no longer on the cards. Maybe marriage is on the cards when it wasn’t even an option years ago. Whatever it is, respect the wants and needs of your current self.
A relationship at 50 doesn’t have to be a serious one. It could be lighthearted dates where you just get to know each other. Or, you could fall headfirst into love, while accepting the mystery of the future ahead.
Either way, just let yourself go without clinging to past ideas about what this should be. As long as both you and your partner(s) are communicating such things with each other, all is well and good. You can figure out ways to make this relationship work for you.
They always say that your heart is still young inside an ageing body. But here we want to say that your heart doesn’t have to be young, that it can be old and you can love even more with it. At 50, your body and mind are much more different. Those adventurous dates of running around the city holding hands might not appeal to you as much. You may want the quieter life, the one which allows you to bloom in your time.
Or, maybe you crave movement. You crave the thrill that comes with going out and dancing under the neon light, still. You want to defy any restrictions put on you by society. In either case, what is important is respecting your body. Your body and its energy are different now. It is okay if it takes you a little bit longer to recover from the effort, these days. Don’t push yourself and force yourself to do ‘young’ things. Remember that your age is a reward, not a shame.
You are still allowed to explore and create your own adventures! As long as you take care of yourself, you can do the things you have always wanted to do. After all, you are an adult now and you can make decisions for yourself.
If you want to meet new people, go out and join community spaces. Take a dance class or a painting class. Sit in cafes and drink your favorite coffee while pretending you are in your favorite novel. Strike up conversations online, such as a dating site or even simple discussion boards. Some of these connections might turn out to be potential love interests, some might turn out to be good friends. One thing is for sure: you will love people in the most unexpected of ways.
Use your previous mistakes and the wisdom you have received through them as a way to be more responsible and careful. Pay attention to the red flags and seek healthy relationships. Communicate better and try not to give in to harmful coping mechanisms. Remember that you are strong and brave to build fulfilling relationships around yourself. Your mistakes do not make you weak or less loveable. Rather, they make you a whole person, with so much more to love.
At the same time, allow yourself to still make mistakes. Being 50 doesn’t mean that you are a perfect person. You are still learning and trying to do better.
It is okay if you slip up sometimes, it is okay if you make some decisions you are not proud of. It only makes you human and it is because you are human that you can love with the wonderful vulnerability of your soul. Remember to have fun with it
Most importantly, remember to enjoy this whole process! Follow the newer trends, figure out how the current dating scene works and where you can picture yourself within it. Learn how to be coy and woo people all over again. Try something you haven’t tried before, surprise yourself when you end up liking it. Remember that throughout all the changes of time, the undercurrent of love is still running strong.
There is so much time for finding love after 50, or even 80! You are not late to the party, because you are the host. You are the one who decides who to invite and how long you let them stay. You decide how you want to celebrate your feelings and your relationship. Remember: your heart has aged with all the wisdom and love in the world. Once you open it, you will be surprised at how much happiness it allows inside.
We, at the Voice of Woman, wish you the best of luck with the same!
Also Read: Importance Of Self Love