Can Work Stress End Up In Dead Bedroom Relationship?

2 min read

Ananya Bhattacharjee
Writer. Musician. Mother. Reading, music and travelling are all time favourites. Been into ‘writing’ from the last 10 years and have become an everlasting love since I started.

You are hot and in the mood to get into the bedroom, but your partner is not! Or a vice versa situation where your partner is in the mood to hit the sheets, while you are not! This is the ‘dead bedroom’ situation. The case is much more common in the present day scenario. Dead bedroom relationships are clinically defined as relationships where a couple has lesser sex, less than six times a year. 

Sex less than every two months is an extreme case, couples having no connection and heat between them. There are instances where couples have it once a year or none at all, leading to a lack of affection between the partners and a ‘dead bedroom’ situation. 

Why are so many couples in a dead bedroom relationship? 

Many factors lead to this situation. The foremost reason is the natural progress of becoming a long term regular couple, with the honeymoon phase over or subsiding gradually. There are couples who earlier in their relationships have had great sex in the beginning, and progressively the frequency decreased to nil. 

Relationships change over time, and so does the frequency of sex. When the long term couple mode sets in a relation, the couple needs to work together to keep the spark alive. Couples need to bring back the desire in the relationship, create autonomy, space as well as novelty in the relationship and make it fiery and enjoyable. 

Dead bedroom situation is a natural loss, with one partner in the couple not working enough to keep the desire alive. If a partner gets rejected many times over months or years, the initiating partner stops asking for physical intimacy as the rejection hurts. This leads to the cycle of ‘dead bedroom’ situation where there is no initiating, asking and so no hitting between the sheets! 

However, this is not the only reason for a dead bedroom relationship. In the present day world, where stress has taken up the majority of our lives, a dead bedroom situation is familiar. 

Other factors include medications that reduce libido, chronic illnesses or injuries to a partner which causes a lack of intimacy. Parenting is another reason for lack of privacy, once responsibility for a third human being comes into the relationship; the intimacy and spark get lost in the process. This is because parenting is an exhausting and new thing for the partners, and especially for the woman. Regular breastfeeding and working take a toll on the spark in the woman. Bringing the baby in bed creates a lack of space and distance between the couple, which leads to the situation over time. 

Physical conditions like menopause or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in women and erectile dysfunction in men can also lead to this situation. Additionally, medical factors and illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, alcohol addiction, and high blood pressure among others are also some reasons for partners lacking the intimacy and creating a dead bedroom relationship in the house.  

How to overcome the Dead Bedroom situation? 

The couples should work on bringing back the spark between them. Cultivating eroticism and foreplay and cuddling would lead to the connection and park in the relationship, which will lead to sex in time. Couples should spend time with each other, take a 15 minute time off from the day away from their mobiles and devices and spend time together to create their spark. Indulging in conversations, appreciating each other and sharing memories is good enough to bring back the connection. Though sex cannot be re-introduced immediately, the relationship can be built up, which will eventually lead to sex. 

Opening up the lines of communication between partners and discussing the sexual and emotional feelings for each other is an excellent way to rekindle the relationship. It is crucial to remove the dead bedroom situation and bring back the affection and attraction between the partners to have a healthy relationship and life.