So you’re in a new relationship and you’re having a great time. And in those first few months, if you really like the guy, it can be hard to focus on other things. You’re busy with life, work, and spending time with him. But you should watch out, because relationships, while they can blossom into something long-lasting, often tend to come and go. While a lot of friendships you have have been around for ages.
So if your friends are feeling neglected, they might not tell you, because they don’t want to intrude on your happiness. But you might find that when you emerge from your cocoon of first love that they’ll be a little distant. Here’s how you know you’re prioritizing your relationship over your friendships.
You don’t hang out much anymore
Before you got into a relationship, you used to meet up a few times a month, maybe. You definitely didn’t leave it too long; you booked a table at your regular restaurant or went to a junk-food place or an ice-cream place, or on a night out, whatever you liked. Or maybe you went out to catch a movie and dinner together. But you can’t remember the last time you saw your friends because you spent all your free time with your boyfriend. If you find yourself canceling plans more often than not to spend time with him, then maybe reevaluate.
You don’t call them anymore
Before, whenever you had something to say, or you saw something funny while on the bus, or read something that reminded them of you, you’d be calling them instantly. But now you call your new partner instead. You might be finding that the less you call them, the less they’re inclined to call you, since it takes two to make even non-romantic relationships work.
Your friends don’t like him
If your friends don’t like your new guy, it might be that they’re less inclined to spend time with you. But girlfriends often have a good hunch about these things, since they’ve been through it too. Maybe they can see something you can’t. Try to sit down with them and ask them honestly what’s bothering them. If they have answers that make sense, such as that they think this person is bad news, it might be worth it to pay heed to them. Of course, they could be wrong, in which case you’ll have to reassure them that you know what you’re doing. Remember, usually, your friends do have your best interests at heart.
You don’t hear big news
Your friend just got a promotion and you’re staring at your Facebook wondering why she didn’t call you to tell you herself. And then you remember that you haven’t spoken in two weeks and you’ve been blowing off your plans. If you find that you keep missing out on big news like this and hearing about it on social media – or not at all – and that your friends are no longer keeping you in the loop, it’s a glaring sign that you’ve been (perhaps unintentionally) creating some distance so they no longer feel comfortable casually calling you to tell you these things. If you value your friendships, you need to work on this asap. Remember to communicate with them openly.
Your partner doesn’t like your friends
If your boyfriend doesn’t want you seeing your friends and claims you should spend all your time with him, be aware of the fact that he could be leading you down the path of emotional manipulation. You will always have other things in your life, and you can’t devote every minute to your relationship. If he seems to be constantly jealous of your friends and the fact that you love spending time with them, then this is a huge red flag. Maybe you’re better off staying far away from him.
The fact is, your friends might be too nice to tell you you haven’t made time for them lately. They might genuinely want you to be happy right now, and enjoy the first flush of your new relationship. But you might miss out on big things in their lives, and you can’t take them for granted. You should balance both your relationship and your friendships. Don’t make your friends feel like they’re unwanted!