Sex Positive: Embrace It, Don’t Be Ashamed !

3 min read

sex positive
Team VOW
We aim to create a difference in the life of girls and women!

Sex is something always spoken about in hush tones. Sex is believed to remain confined within the four walls of the bedroom, outside that it is seen as something disgusting and uncivilized. 

Every person is taught or conditioned psychologically that sex can happen only between a male and a female. After a lot of struggles and pride movements, we have made some progress to educate people and put an end to this social stigma. 

We might have won one battle, but the war is still on. The battle about sex and sexuality is still going on. The society yet again is divided into parts of sex-positive and sex-negative people.

What is sex-positive?

Long story short, sex-positive meaning can be laid out by saying that sex can be a positive thing in a person’s life.

It is an idea that people should be prerogative of the choice to embrace, explore, and educate themselves about their sexuality and gender. This idea is rather seen as a derogatory thought by the snobs in society, putting sex positives through plight.

The core of sex-positive definition is to espouse the idea of enjoying one’s sexuality without any fear of judgment from society.

The celebration of freedom of choice

The very fundamental value of being a sex-positive is that one can choose, whomever they want, to have sex with. No, this does not justify rape. The consent of both parties or more, if involved, is mandatory.

sex positive

Anyone can have sex and do not have any moral obligations to society. Other than the choice of whom to have sex with, one can volubly talk about it too.

Sex-positive is an umbrella term and applies to a spectrum of beliefs and values. 

All about enjoyment and pleasure

Sex positivity stands for the idea of sex as just procreation or continuation of human legacy. It extends the thought to pleasure or hedonism. 

Sex positivity is about embracing your hedonism without any feeling of guilt or embarrassment about your pursuit of Dionysian fantasies.

Many people have come up as being sex positives and even started the trend on Instagram such as #FreeTheNipple, #EffYourBeautyStandards, and #SexualHealthIsHealth to support the cause.

The heated debate about sex positivity

For some time now, there has been quite a heated and ongoing debate about it. People who delegate themselves as sex positives have raised contemplating questions like, ‘why should breastfeeding be seen as something do be done under covers?’ ‘ why should nipples be covered?’

Sex positive

Sex positives claim these questions and justify their beliefs. They backup these questions with an explanation. Sex positives expressed their opinions by saying that the very purpose of having breasts is to feed the baby and no one should ashamed of doing so, it is natural and can be done publicly. About nipples, they believe, nipples are as much as part of the body as eyes are. Both men and women have them. It is illogical and unreasonable to hide them. Nudity is not a bad thing, according to them. 

Besides defying all these social norms, the main agenda is to replace judgment and shame with pleasure and freedom.

How can one become a sex-positive?

Yes, anyone can become sex-positive if they truly support the cause. Albeit, having born and brought up in a sex-negative culture can make it hard to achieve sex-positivity. But given one’s determination and patience can obviously set them on the right path to reach sex-positivity. 

The key requirements to become sex-positive are commitment, time, and patience. Being unabashed about one’s sexual choices and also respecting others, without any judgment. 

One has to be open-minded and accepting of all the things, whatever makes someone sexually pleased. Whatever and however someone likes to celebrate their sexuality is free of any judgment but should include consent.

Can virgins be sex-positive too?

Yes, one need not have had sex to become a sex-positive. Being sex-positive means believing in the values sex-positivity stands for and abiding by it. It is more about opposing the philosophies and ideas of sex-negativity. 

Sex positive

Sex positivity doesn’t mean only kinky sex 

Sex positivity is about exploring pleasure worthy sexual practices. However, one need not be kinky for it. It doesn’t matter if one prefers vanilla sex or kinky sex, it is totally the person’s choice of seeking pleasure. In fact, it is about respecting and owning what things make you feel erotic, regardless. 

What is sex-negative?

Just like Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Similarly, having sex positives means having sex negatives too. 

Sex negatives are the people who do not believe in the causes of sex-positivity. Thus, everyone who is not sex-positive is by default sex-negative. According to sex negatives, the sole reason for sex should be procreational coitus, done in a bedroom.   

Sex negatives perceive human sexuality as something-

  • dirty
  • dangerous
  • disgusting
  • unnatural
  • uncontrollable
  • harmful
  • risky

Examples of sex-negativity

Violence toward sex workers, trans women, and femmes- seeing these people as less of a human being simply due to their sexual preferences. Having a prejudice and sometimes even resorting to violence for the same, make a person sex-negative.

Slut-shaming And Victim-Blaming- Another classic example of sex negatives, calling out women for their preference of clothing and urge to feel sensuous and desirable.

Instagram shadow-banning sex educators– Not a very long time ago, a girl posted a picture of the period’s blood-stained bedsheet which was removed by Instagram on the grounds of ‘violating community guidelines’. 

The app is itself a medium or platform to bring changes and raise voices against various plights different people suffer, globally. Turns out, it is biased and not so free for all. It is also powerless when it comes down to ‘community’.

The Good Girl vs Bad Girl Fallacy– Over centuries, society, as a whole, has always set a notion about women being bad or good based on their eligibility criteria.  Women have always been dissected instantly as good or bad, as per society’s norms and regulations. Based on clothing, attitude, and behavior, everything can be standardized about a woman. 

Anyhow, Sex positivity is an approach or attitude towards celebrating everyone’s sexual choices and respecting the same with utter diligence.