The system of arranged marriage is no new phenomenon for Indians. Even today 90% of marriages in India have arranged marriages.
Arrange marriage is the one in which the first family meets, choose the bride or groom and then the bride or groom decides.
In some cases, only the family’s voice is considered and preferred. Many times it is seen that women get no response due to several reasons for rejection in arranged marriage.
In the arranged marriage setup, the responsibility of finding the bride or the groom completely lay on the shoulders of the family. They usually prefer the boy or girl of their status, caste, of the same value system and culture.
This screening for finding the perfect match is done in many ways such as rotating the biodata in their Social circle, through matrimonial advertisements in newspapers and now on matrimonial sites. After all the screening process the family always tries to choose best for their children.
There is nothing wrong with this process. According to Statics, India’s divorce rate is one of the lowest in the world. However, even with the progressive times, sadly there are some unrealistic expectations that people try to attain in the arranged setup.
Most of these unrealistic demands are only for women. From, way of talking to work everything is observed and can be problematic for women especially in arranged setup.
Also, just check out why arranged marriages are still prevalent in India. Click here.
Why mostly women have to cater to these expectations?
Every parent expects some basic manners and qualifications from the bride or groom for their child. Both bride and groom have to fit into this system of expectations. However, most women are subjected more to such unexpected demands.
Marriage proposal rejections are common for women in an arranged marriage. Getting no response or rejection after the Rishta meeting is something that is faced by almost every woman when they think of marrying in an arranged setup.
This happens due to several reasons. We have tried to list some of the reasons for rejection in arranged marriage.
- In most of the social structures, marriages are based on the fact that women have to leave their own place and adjust to the husband’s place. This leads to many expectations for women. Since she comes to the new place she is expected to lead her life according to her husband’s place!
- Considering the history, the vicious system of dowry which still prevails in many parts of the world. It is considered that since in most of the cases man earns for the family, it leaves women with some conjectures.
- The divided gender roles in the society which makes women a housewife and men the sole earner. Due to less or no dignity is given to women’s housework since it is unpaid, it is expected from women to carry themselves in a certain manner.
- Women are always considered as the “prestige” of the family. Thus, brides are also expected to maintain that and conduct themselves accordingly.
- There are certain things like smoking, drinking which is still considered taboo for women in Indian society, these carryforwards, and the same things are expected from daughters-in-law.
- Matrikin (family of the bride) is always considered inferior to the Patrikin (family of the groom). However, this notion is changing slowly but still persists quite deeply in many parts of the world.
However, with the changing time, people have become somewhat progressive and the percentage of people catering to such demands from there to be daughter-in-law has decreased.
But, still today women are expected to fit in the ideal “Susheel, Sanskari” frame to get married in an arranged marriage.
Bizarre reasons for rejection in arranged marriage
There are certain reasons to reject a woman in an arranged marriage setup. We have chosen some of the most bizarre reasons for rejection in arranged marriage during or after the Rishta meeting.
Also, the culture of matrimonial sites clearly shows the unrealistic demands of the groom’s family in the first place. Let us examine some of the reasons for rejection in arranged marriage.
- Even after years of activism, people prefer the ‘fair’ bride. Rejecting women on the basis of color is very common
- Higher educational qualifications of the bride than the groom. If women have better educational qualifications than men, they are considered as overqualified and too witty for marriage!
- More settled career than the groom. Even today people are more comfortable with the non-working daughter-in-law. If they respect the woman’s choice to work after marriage, people usually have issues if a woman has better earning than men. Women are just rejected for being ambitious!
- Even today women are expected to know how to cook. Cooking is considered as one of the prime deciding factors for women in an arranged marriage.
- For having too many ‘guy’ friends and being active on social media. Yes, having too many followers can also make you rejected in an arranged marriage setup.
- For being out-spoken. Women being out-spoken or being talkative is still considered the traits that women should not have. People usually reject such women’s saying that they lack moral values and cannot adjust to a joint family. In short, being talkative is considered rude for women.
- Having more inches than the groom. Yes, you read it right! Women are even rejected for their height. People prefer a shorter height than the groom.
- Issues like virginity are not usually not discussed in an arranged marriage setup. However, the groom’s family is always curious to know about women’s virginity and consider it a serious measure for giving approval to the women.
- For being progressive. Being progressive for women is again considered as a sign of bad moral values.
- For their dressing sense. If women dress up too western she is considered as “too modern” for an arranged marriage. Again, her clothes become the measure of her moral values.
There is no harm in the system of arranged marriage but treating women as a commodity in the name of it is something which is wrong. It is high time that such practices (above reasons for rejection in arranged marriage) should stop immediately.
A woman should always be aware of whom she is choosing for the rest of her life. since marriage is a life-changing decision and one of the most important in anyone’s life.
You can check out this article to get some tips.it is very important for the women to voice their opinion and choice before the marriage. Click here.