“Mothers daughters relation together are a powerful force to be reckoned with,” says Melia Keeton-Digby and we’re all for it. Mothers & daughters have a unique relationship that transcends the barriers of time and space and is also a subject of scientific study.
Daughters are a reflection of their mother and they often end up living their dreams and aspirations through them. After years of grooming and education and reprimands, the mother-daughter relationship changes from that of guardian to a confidant and best friend. Because now it’s the time for the offspring to relate to her birth-giver, and there is no place safer or warmer than mummy’s bosom, when the big bad wolves come chasing us in this unforgiving world
Only a woman can understand what it’s like to be in a world that’s mostly concerned about making the journey of life tough for women. In this article, we’d be talking about mothers & daughters and how their relationship dynamics change with time.
A mother and child’s relationship- starts when the embryo implants itself in her womb. In the initial few years of her life- the child solely relies on his/her mother to nurture and raise them. But as we hurtle towards our teenage years- like everything else in our life this precious bond also transforms. The onus lies with the mother at this delicate juncture to steer the relationship towards a fruitful maturation. Teenage daughters might feel oppressed by stifling matriarchy causing them to rebel. And this may cause irrevocable damage. It is imperative for mother’s to make the transition from a parent to a friend- that will allow them to guide their child much better.
In some cases, even when there is communication, the generation gap results in the restraint and hesitation in being transparent, and daughters find it more comfortable to open up to their peers than to their mothers. This is when the mother-daughter conflict begins. The slightest use of stern tones and firm words can give rise to big conflicts in the teenage years when daughters often feel that their mothers are invading their privacy. But if you are getting misty eyed, then worry not, as your little girl becomes a woman, she starts appreciating the sacrifices and life lessons that her mother had taught her. Daughters begin to understand the purpose behind everything that their mothers say and try to process it in a better way than they earlier would.
This is the time when the mother-daughter bond turns into one that’s shared by the closest of friends and they have heart-to-heart conversations. Mothers get a younger companion who’d give them newer perspectives and daughters find an experienced guide who’d make their path to a happy life easier. The history shared by mothers & daughters shows very strong bonds between them and quite problematic ones as well. The mother-daughter history varies from one example to another but if you want to build an organic relationship with your daughter, we’ve got some very important tips for you. Read long!
Below are the ways of making a relationship stronger between mother and daughters:
Like any relationship, this too survives on communication. As a mother simply admonishing and scolding her won’t have a very positive impact on your bond. As a daughter, you can’t take this relationship for granted. Spend time talking and discussing things. As mother’s, if you provide that space, you might get to know what’s happening in their life. Often young girls, find a lack of empathy and support from their mother to come forward and discuss things like abuse and marital discord.
Even if they’ve done something wrong, they should be comfortable enough to own up to their mistakes. The only way to make them talk about their insecurities and issues with you is by sharing your insecurities with them. The conversations should occur from both sides and they should be meaningful, to create great communication between the two people. Studies show that mothers who can communicate well with their children share the most beautiful relationship with them.
Being a mother, you have to realize that there are going to be differences between you and your daughter at some point or the other, and in some cases, you might be at fault. These are the times when you would be tested because if you let your ego win, you wouldn’t be able to be a good mother. You cannot always be right just because you’re the elder one. You should be open to new things and constantly try to extend your horizon, instead of holding on to your age-old opinions. In the same way, you should train your child to be a good listener and learner, to be able to understand your views.
Mothers & daughters can be friends only if they don’t let their egos come in between and be there for each other, no matter what. Own up to your mistakes whenever needed. That goes a long way in making your child trust you more. In a traditional setting, like India, it becomes very difficult to openly discuss things like sex or gender choices. even, if you find it a little discomforting- reach out and talk. At the end of the day, nobody loves and daughter more than her own mother.
Being a mother, respecting boundaries can be difficult, given that you would always want to know every little thing about your daughter’s life. However, you’ve got to walk that extra mile if you want to be a mother your daughter would look up to and be proud of.
You’ve got to understand that your daughter is a different individual and may have certain things that they’re not always comfortable talking about. If you respect their boundaries and give them adequate time to reflect on their experiences, they would come to you and tell you themselves, instead of you having to ask them constantly. Be patient and give your children the time they need to process everything that happens around them. Let them learn and grow. It’s not always possible to protect your little girl- let her fall and make mistakes. But always be around to give a helping hand and pull her through.
We’ve mentioned the nature of the relationship shared by mothers & daughters and how you can do a better job at being an understanding mother. The journey of motherhood can be the most fulfilling experience of your life if you do it right. Being a mother is life-changing in many ways and contributes to shaping your personality and that of your child.
Also, read: Are You Friends With Your Daughter?