For most couples, sex is an integral part of the relationship. However, sometimes it just isn’t feasible. Perhaps you’re overcoming an illness or are in a late stage of pregnancy, or you’ve just given birth. Maybe you’re having your period or you’re just not in the mood, or you have a UTI. Or you’re just not ready for penetrative sex with your partner. There are several other ways to feel close (or even sexually stimulate each other) without resorting to that option, and often it can be good to relax in each other’s company without the pressure of having to feel that it should end in sex. Here are some things you can do when, for whatever reason, sex (or more specifically, penetrative sex) just isn’t going to happen.
Rekindle The Romance
Arrange to go out for a movie or dinner, or cook together if you like. Make a meal you both enjoy. You could also just sit and catch up on a few episodes of your favourite show together, or simply talk to each other. Our lives often get very busy and we forget to make time for those that matter. Remind yourself why you’re with your partner, it’s not just physical.
Touch Each Other
Touch doesn’t necessarily need to be only sexual, it can also be tender or comforting. Hold hands, hug, or lean against your partner. As human beings, we depend on physical comfort, and this becomes particularly important when it’s someone who is a major part of your romantic life. Think about giving your partner a massage or having them return the favour, that would be an exciting thing to add to your usual relationship.
Try Non-Penetrative Alternatives
Most women require more than penetrative sex to reach climax, anyways. It might be interesting to consider other alternatives. Dry humping can be extremely erotic for both men and women, and there’s very little chance of pregnancy since no fluids are exchanged. For women, particularly, nipple play can be very erotic. You can also try sexting to spice things up in your relationship, or even try Skype sex. Or you can try sexy talk on the phone. You can also try using sex toys to give and receive stimulation. Oral sex too is an option when you’re looking for something that doesn’t require penetration.
Kissing can be extremely intimate and can lead to other things, but often, it can also just be very fulfilling in itself. A heavy make-out session with your partner can really cheer you up sometimes, and it’ll go a long way towards making you feel a lot closer. If you feel like things are heating up too much, you can always pull back.
Add Some Spark
Try to surprise your partner or do something unexpected that you wouldn’t normally do. Experiences like this bring people together. Maybe suggest a spur-of-the-moment holiday to the beach or the hills, or give them a gift they would never expect. Buy flowers or chocolates. You can even do something that’s more exciting, like physically teasing your partner in public (with discretion, of course). Take your partner by surprise and you’ll find you enjoy it too!
A relationship is made up of two people, and it’s up to you to communicate as much as it is your partner. Make sure you’re open and honest about what’s happening in your life and try to talk out any problems (in the relationship and outside it) with your partner. Especially if you’re living with them, they’ll be the person you see and talk to most, so it’s important they know. If you feel the romance is flagging or you’re not satisfied in some way, it’s important that you spell it out, otherwise, they won’t know. It’s very difficult for a relationship to be successful without proper communication.
In some ways, sex is overrated. As a society, we’re obsessed with it; we want to keep it a secret and we always want to talk about it. But a relationship consists of many other things, and sex is just a part of it. Two people should be sexually compatible, but they should also be compatible in many other ways. Sometimes it’s good to take a break from sexual intimacy and experience other kinds of intimacy.