Fleabagging: A Toxic Dating Trend That Is -Oh So Common- Yet Denied

3 min read

Your vocabulary can never be enough, as far as millennial dating terms are concerned. Fleabagging is one such term. It has been derived from the TV series, ‘Fleabag’, where one of the characters was seen to exhibit a persistent and toxic dating trait. 

Fleabagging means having a problematic choice in men and most of us are guilty of the same. We might not have been aware of the term some years back but the practice has been on our horizon since time immemorial. 

Are you one of those people who fantasized about the villain or the antagonist of books and movies? Have you always been fangirling and going gaga over superheroes with toxic traits? 

Fleabagging seems to be your thing. It is not intentional but it can be avoided if a conscious effort is made. It often stems from insecurities and societal expectations that are inflicted on us since the time we learn to feel emotions. 

If you want to know more about the term and how you can deal with your fleabagging trait, read along to find out.

What causes Fleabagging? 

The entire concept of spotting red flags is easier said than done. When we define fleabagging, we also mean the inability to identify red flags or toxic characteristics. 

Courtesy: Giphy via BBC 3

If you date the same kind of men, again and again, there are chances that you have a type and you can’t do much even after getting hurt multiple times. 

Due to the unrealistic showcase of characters and their love lives in movies and other forms of entertainment, people often view love in a way that’s restricted. They believe that they’re not capable of finding true love. 

Their insecurities get the better of them and they settle for less, way less than they deserve. 

The first step of eliminating fleabagging is to induce self-worth and belief. You have to believe that you are not supposed to settle for less, at any cost. The day you start looking out for red flags and limit yourself at that very moment, you’d be able to shape your love life in a way that doesn’t sacrifice your self-worth. 

Related: Asking Your Crush On The Much-Hyped Second Date? 12 Things You Should Do To Make It Perfect

3 Tips to stop Fleabagging 

1.Self realisation 

Before you try to solve an issue, you would have to be in a position to admit that issue. It’s very hard to analyze your faults but you’re the one who’s capable of doing it the best. If you’re falling into the same trap again and again or choosing the same path for yourself every time, you would have to reconsider your choices. 

Be rational and address your issues and fleabagging patterns, instead of avoiding them or ignoring them. If you get defensive and turn a deaf ear to your conscience, you’re going to suffer the most. 

The first step of self-realization is to distance yourself from the person in question and spend some time with yourself or the people who truly matter to you. 

2. Get professional help 

Fleabagging can often lead to adverse effects on your mental health. If you’re one of those people who get attached to their partners easily, you’re up for a hard time. Multiple heartbreaks caused due to fleabagging can break you emotionally and harm your regular functioning as well.

In such circumstances, it’s important to ask for help. If you’re not comfortable talking to an expert, you can open up to your loved ones or somebody whom you trust. However, a professional would be able to help you most effectively. 

Talk to them and share your feelings with them, so that you’re able to find a solution to alter the way you approach your love life. 

3. Do not undermine your values 

There are certain values that we believe in and incorporate in the way we go about in our lives. Before you start seeing someone toxic and give in to fleabagging, ask yourself what qualities do you wish your ideal partner to have. 

Once you do this analysis, you’ll learn from your past mistakes and focus on those very qualities in people. 

Draw a line and keep reminding yourself what you deserve. Remind yourself that you wouldn’t give a chance to everybody. If you find it hard doing it alone, involve others. Talk to your friends and people who see you regularly. 

Engage in self-love and boost your self-confidence. When you start believing in the boundaries that you have created, it would become easier to maintain them and say goodbye to fleabagging. 

How to get to know people well before letting them in?

1.Communicate

The best way to get to know someone is by fruitful communication. If you don’t initiate a conversation with your potential partner, you wouldn’t know their opinions and ideas about things that matter to you. 

Getting to know someone is the only way to find out whether they’re right for you or not so that you don’t end up fleabagging. 

2. Hang out 

In-person exchanging of vibes plays a big role when it comes to making people come together.  With the advent of the pandemic, it has become really difficult to meet people in person. 

Try out dating apps and get to know new people through the various features of these apps. Put forth your likes and dislikes, to connect with people who match your vibe and avoid fleabagging. 

3. Get your friends and family involved 

Sometimes, when you’re not able to recognize problems, the people surrounding you can. This is because they know you and wish the best for you. 

Introduce them to your date and ask them for their views and advice. In most cases, they would be in a position to give you a different perspective than yours. 

Conclusion

Fleabagging, as a dating habit, can be quite difficult to get rid of, but with gradual efforts, it is possible to improve your choices and align them with your growth. Don’t forget that you’re not alone. There are tons of other people who go through the same. 

Don’t be too harsh on yourself because that can make things worse and trigger your trauma. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, instead of aggravating your insecurities. 

Also, read: 7 Signs Your Girlfriend Wants to Break Up With You

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