Here’s What You Should Know Before Considering Breakup Sex

5 min read

Break-up sex
Anushka Nagarmath
I love reading, writing, learning new languages and making poems out of every little thing. I believe that every story is worth telling, as long as it is told with kindness.

The path of love is never entirely simple and smooth. There are always awkward bumps and rough patches along the way. While some people may be able to work through them and find their way together, others may find that it is healthier to walk separately.

It is never easy to acknowledge the signs that it is time to break-up and the actual act is even tougher. While you and your partner(s) may do your best to end things on friendly, mutual terms, there is always the possibility of hurt feelings and messy emotions lingering in the aftermath.

Break-ups can evoke a variety of responses in people. For some, there may be anger. For others, there may be sadness and tears. But for certain people, intense emotions can often ignite the remains of passion and desire, leading to one final sexually intimate time to call the relationship to an end. Today, we are going to talk about break-up sex and all the things you should keep in mind before engaging in it.

What is break-up sex?

So, what is break-up sex? Well, break-up sex is the term used for the bittersweet and intense sex which one has with their partner either just before, during, or after breaking up. This could be sex that you and your partner(s) have before you officially part ways or sex that you have after being freshly broken up. 

break-up sex

There are several reasons why this can occur: break-up sex is usually a result of the passionate emotions that are occurring inside the individuals involved, as a result of the break-up. These emotions, be it anger or sadness, can lead to your body experiencing arousal and excitement, which may want you to be physically close to your partner one last time.

For many couples, this could be a way of ending things on a good and passionate note, feeling all those emotions one final time. Thus, it can serve as a way to get closure before the people involved move on and go their separate ways.

The idea of break-up sex feels forbidden to many, which may make it even more exciting to engage it.

But are the benefits of break-up sex really worth the aftermath? Is it really something that can be safe and healthy? Well, it’s a lot more complicated than you think.

Benefits of break-up sex

Given that break-up sex is often counted amongst the various mistakes that one should avoid making after ending a relationship, it can be hard to imagine it as a good idea. 

There are certain circumstances in which break-up sex does work safely. For example, if you and your partner still like each other, having decided to stay good friends and are both comfortable with having one final no-strings-attached sex.

In that case, you both are aware that you still have good feelings towards each other but do not want to take it any further. Thus, break-up sex can be a medium to feel that love between you one last time before you let go.

In another case, if you and your partner have ended on mutual terms and are both aware that things are not working out, break-up sex can be a way to enjoy your physical bond and make one final warm memory together.

In such a case, both of you are in agreement with the fact that you do not have feelings for each other the same way or that you do not want more than sex. Thus, break-up sex becomes just physical sex in this, with all the parties knowing that no emotions are involved.

Break-up sex can serve to be exciting because at that moment you are fully focused on the moment. You are not thinking about everything that is wrong with the relationship nor are you worried about the future. During break-up sex, you can let go and just focus on having a good time physically. Thus, you may be able to relieve the leftover tension and pent-up feelings in this way.

But before you go on and declare breakup sex as a good idea, pause and read through those examples again. As you can see, experiencing the benefits of break-up sex relies on both you and your partner being on the same page.

Well-established trust and understanding are needed so that their party is accidentally taking advantage of the other or giving false hopes. For break-up sex to be healthy, proper communication is needed, maybe even more than it was when you were actually dating.

In real life, when feelings are involved, the lines often get blurred and communication gets disrupted. A person might say one thing and mean something else entirely.

While the sex may feel good, there could be confusion or manipulation in the aftermath. Thus, unless you are fully sure of where you and your partner stand, you should reconsider the idea of break-up sex.

How is Breakup sex harmful?

At this point in the article, you may be sitting there and wondering, “Is break-up sex a good idea?” Well, except for the above-mentioned circumstances, probably not

Break-up sex

It’s not the sex itself that is the problem here, but the motivations behind the act and the resulting consequences. For example, one of you may still have a wish for getting back together and break-up sex may give false hopes. Either of you may end up engaging in break-up sex because you think that this may help the other person change their mind. 

In a similar scenario, your partner may try to take advantage of the fact that you still have feelings for them. They may just want a good physical time, but they may manipulate you into thinking that this means more than what it is. Even if they do not mean to manipulate you intentionally, it can still happen due to the lack of proper communication.

It can also be hard to establish consent during break-up sex. For example, if you are the one who has broken up with your partner, you may feel obligated to say yes if they suggest having sex one last time. Even if your feelings aren’t the same as them, you may still go along with it as a result of habit, when you actually may not want it at all.

Break-up sex can also be messy, leading to people crossing the line in the middle of intercourse. Especially when emotions such as anger and sadness are involved, people can accidentally hurt each other, either emotionally or physically. 

If something goes wrong in the middle of sex, there is none of that usual care and comfort to bridge the gap. If one of you ends up feeling uncomfortable, the other may be unable to take proper care of you or may feel like it is not their place to do so.

Even the aftermath can be awkward because neither of you knows what to do now. Usually, you would cuddle and lie together, but now that you are broken up, you may find yourself wondering what comes next. 

Break-up sex can also lead to confusion, because the hormones and emotions evoked during intercourse may make you rethink your decision. Based on those momentary pleasant emotions that you feel as you lie in bed, you may forget to see the bigger picture.

Especially if your partner is toxic or has been abusive to you, it is always better to give yourself space from them to heal, no matter how much you might still love them.

A lot of times, break-up sex can come as a result of avoiding that final conversation. You and your partner(s) may not want to face reality and so, you might have sex to postpone the inevitable. However, this is not healthy because, at the end of the day, you cannot run away. You must face the consequences of your action and using sex as a getaway from that is an unhealthy coping mechanism.

In all the above cases, break-up sex is not a good idea because it leads to the breaking of boundaries and can lead to much more emotional damage in the aftermath. 

Dealing with a break-up healthily

The bottom line is that if you aren’t sure about you and your partner being on the same page for the idea of break-up sex, it is best not to engage in it. When you have just broken up with someone, there are likely fresh wounds and unresolved emotions. Thus, it is best not to take such a decision when your mind is so heavily influenced by your present feelings. 

Break-up sex

After a break-up, try and give yourself time to gauge the situation and how you feel about it. Give yourself space to heal and reflect on yourself. Pamper yourself with little gifts and surround yourself with warmth and love. Talk to your therapist or your loved ones if you want some advice. Try activities like journaling and art to help unravel your own emotions and let them spillover. 

Remind yourself that you took this decision for a reason and be proud of yourself for going through with it. Hold your own hand and sit on your bed and cry for hours if you have to. 

Throughout it, all, always remember to take care of yourself.

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